Business jokes

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An organization is like a tree full of monkeys...

all on different limbs,... at different levels,...

some climbing up.

The monkeys on the top look down and see a tree full of
smiling faces.

The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but
assholes.

Rating: 3.4 |

A businessman was confused about a bill he had received, so
he asked his secretary for some mathematical help.

"If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would
you take off?" he asked her.

The secretary replied, "Everything but my earrings."

Rating: 1.6 |

One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts
to earn some money as a street performer. Unfortunately, as
soon as he starts to draw a crowd, a zoo keeper grabs him and
drags him into his office.

The zoo-keeper explains to the mime that the zoo's most
popular attraction, a gorilla, has died suddenly and the
keeper fears that attendance at the zoo will fall off. He
offers the mime a job to dress up as the gorilla until they
can get another one. The mime accepts.


So the next morning the mime puts on the gorilla suit and
enters the cage before crowd comes. He discovers that it's a
great job. He can sleep all he wants, play and make fun of
people and he draws bigger crowds than he ever did as a mime.
However, eventually the crowds tire of him and he tires of
just swinging on tires.


He begins to notice that the people are paying more
attention to the lion in the cage next to his. Not wanting to
lose the attention of his audience, he climbs to the top of
his cage, crawls across a partition, and dangles from the top
to the lion's cage. Of course, this makes the lion furious,
but the crowd loves it. At the end of the day the zoo-keeper
comes and gives the mime a raise for being such a good
attraction.


Well, this goes on for some time, the mime keeps taunting
the lion, the crowds grow larger, and his salary keeps going
up. Then one terrible day when he is dangling over the
furious lion, he slips and falls. The mime is terrified. The
lion gathers itself and prepares to pounce.


The mime is so scared that he begins to run round and round
the cage with the lion close behind. Finally, the mime starts
screaming and yelling, "Help, Help me!" but the lion is quick
and pounces.


The mime soon finds himself flat on his back looking up at
the angry lion and the lion says, "Shut up you idiot! Do you
want to get us both fired?"

Rating: 3.6 |

American businessman was at a pier in a small coastal
Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman
docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow-fin
tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of
his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.

The Mexican replied only a little while.

The American then asked why didn't he stay out longer and
catch more fish?

The Mexican said he had enough to support his family's
immediate needs.

The American then asked the Mexican how he spent the rest of
his time.

The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little,
play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria,
stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and
play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life,
senor."

The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help
you. You should spend more time fishing and, with the
proceeds, buy a bigger boat. With the proceeds from the
bigger boat, you could buy several boats, eventually you
would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your
catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the
processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would
control the product, processing and distribution.

"You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village
and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually NYC where you
will run your expanding enterprise."

The Mexican fisherman asked, "But senor, how long will this
all take?"

To which the American replied, "15-20 years."

"But what then, senor?" asked the Mexican.

The American laughed, and said, "That's the best part! When
the time is right, you would announce an IPO and sell your
company stock to the public. You'll become very rich, you
would make millions!"

"Millions, senor?" replied the Mexican. "Then what?"

The American said, "Then you would retire. Move to a small
coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a
little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife,
stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip
wine and play your guitar with your amigos."

Rating: 5.0 |

A stockbroker was cold calling about a penny stock and found a taker. "I think this one will really move said the broker, it's only $1 a share."

"Buy me 1000 shares." said the client.

The next day the stock was at $2. The client called the broker and said, "You were right, give me 5000 more shares."

The next day the client looked in the paper and the stock was at $4.

The client ran to the phone and called the broker, "Get me 10,000 more shares said the client."

"Great!" said the broker.

The next day the client looked in the paper and the stock was at $9.

Seeing what a great profit he had in just a few days, the client ran to the phone and told the broker, "Sell all my shares!"

The broker said, "To whom? You were the only one buying that stock."

Rating: 4.2 |

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