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These two construction workers always noticed that their boss always left
early on Fridays. So one asked the other that if the boss left early next
Friday if he would want to also. The other man agreed. Sure enough, when
Friday came, the boss left early. Therefore, the two men left also. The
one offered the other to join him down at the bar, but he decided to just
head on home. When he arrived home, he heard a noise from up stairs. When
he reached the top of the stairs, he noticed that the noise was coming
from the bedroom. He opened the door and saw his boss sleeping with his
wife, so he quietly closed the door and headed back down the stairs and
out the front door. He made his way down to the bar to see if his friend
was still there and he was. His friend asked, "I thought you were headed
home?" The man replied, "I did, but this is the last time I ever leave
work early again." His friend asked, "Why's that?" The man replied, "I
almost got caught by the boss."
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces
his altitude and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further
and shouts: "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet
above this field."
"You must work in Technical Support," says the balloonist.
"I do," replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well" says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically
correct, but completely useless."
The man below says: "You must be in management."
"I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well", says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're
going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're still in the same
position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."
Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into
the personnel director's office. "What is the meaning of this?" the
director asked. "When you applied for this job, you told us you had five
years experience. Now we discovered this is the first job you've ever
"Well," the young man replied, "in your advertisement you said you
wanted somebody with imagination."
There was this man who was in a horrible accident, and was injured. But
the only permanent damage he suffered was the amputation of both of his
ears. As a result of this 'unusual' handicap, he was very self-conscious
about his having no ears.
Because of the accident, he received a large sum of money from the
insurance company. It was always his dream to own his own business, so he
decided with all this money he had, he now had the means to own a
business. So he went out and purchased a small, but expanding computer
firm. But he realized that he had no business knowledge at all, so he
decided that he would have to hire someone to run the business. He picked
out three top candidates, and interviewed each of them. The first
interview went really well. He really liked this guy. His last question
for this first candidate was, 'Do you notice anything unusual about me?'
The guy said, 'Now that you mention it, you have no ears.' The man got
really upset and threw the guy out. The second interview went even better
than the first. This candidate was much better than the first. Again, to
conclude the interview, the man asked the same question again, 'Do you
notice anything unusual about me?' This guy also noticed, 'Yes, you have
no ears.' The man was really upset again, and threw this second candidate
out. Then he had the third interview.. The third candidate was even better
than the second, the best out of all of them. Almost certain that he
wanted to hire this guy, the man once again asked, 'Do you notice anything
unusual about me?' The guy replied 'Yeah, you're wearing contact lenses.'
Surprised, the man then asked, 'Wow! That's quite perceptive of you! How
could you tell?' The guy burst out laughing and said, 'Well, You can't
wear glasses if you don't have any ears!'
When Abraham Liebowitz gets to school he discovers that he is the only
Jewish kid in the class. But it's a decent town and nobody really bothers
One day the teacher asks the class "Who was the greatest person who ever
lived? and why?" And to make it interesting she held a twenty dollar bill
in the air and said "whoever gives the best answer will get this twenty
All of the kids called out their guesses.
One said "George Washington - because he was the father of our country."
"That's excellent" said the teacher.
Another said "Abraham Lincoln - because he freed the slaves."
"That's also good" said the teacher, reluctant to bestow an excellent, but
still being polite.
One little girl said "Joan of Arc - because she saved France."
Another excellent choice said the teacher.
Then Abraham Liebowitz, raised his hand.
So the teacher called on him. "Abraham, who do you think was the greatest
person who ever lived, and why?"
And Abraham said "Jesus Christ."
The teacher was shocked. "Abraham," she said "I'm very surprised. Class,
I think we can all agree that Abraham should get the twenty dollars." And
she handed Abraham Liebowitz the money.
At recess, the teacher was still very impressed. So she asked Abraham why
he said Jesus.
Abraham said "Look, personally I think Moses was the greatest person who
ever lived, but... business is business!"
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